Sunday, March 31, 2019

Rationalizations

It's just you, you say

It's just your personality

You're giving it all you got

It's important, you've been thinking about it all day

Let's celebrate when you get back

. . .

Why bother, I say

If it was that important to you,

you would have

acknowledged it sooner

or made those plans before you left.

Or maybe not, my favorite, hooking our anniversary

to the anniversary of her death.

And then, in our conversation, telling me

about all the nice things you did for those

people, just showing me once again

who and what are really important

in your life

And it's not me or mine.

Self portrait as Ameratsu

Oh man

life happens

pissed or hurt

the response is the same:

I exile the assholes and then

I hide in my cave

determined never to show my brilliant face again.

But...the other gods always come along

carefully mounting that mirror outside

to reflect me back to me

and draw me out

to share my light again.

Burning brightly.

That's me.

Always.

No matter how dark it gets

how painful and deep and tender the betrayal

eventually

I shine.


Posted for Pre-NaPo Prompt: write a poetic self-portrait of a mythical/historical figure

Ameratsu - Japanese Sun Goddess

Thursday, March 28, 2019

24 hours

Did you ever wonder

while taking antibiotics

why the doctor always tells you,

" You WILL feel better in about a day or so!"

WHY is that?

Do the bugs causing my illness

suddenly receive

the Jericho-style telegram

that tells them,

" you got 24 hours to do your damnedest,

and then you! are! out!!"

Meanwhile, the drugs are apparently

just sitting there

in my bloodstream and in my body

waiting for the walls to fall.

And

I feel better

right on schedule...

Friday, March 15, 2019

Compartmentalize

For so long

striving to be an integrated person

with no secrets or unturned stones

moving away from furtive, parallel lives and

undercover relationships and dual identities

the fragmentation of personality

became unacceptable

not to mention burdensome to maintain

and to remember

all the selves, the lies, the whatever.

But now

some separation seems to be

appropriate and necessary

not everything that comes into the mind

needs to come out of the mouth

or even the pen

but where should it all go?

the filtered items need outlets

but not the destructive, covert types that

tear the self apart.

Visualizing a beautiful room

with decorative boxes, with loose fitting lids

carefully nestled on endless, sturdy, open shelving

no locks or nails or walling up

a breezy, airy, bright room, full of scents and sights

gauzy curtains, pastel colors, musical memories

storage for the random. the fanciful, the dreamy

and a few not-so-positive things that also still

need a place to hang out

the door is not barred to the owner

few others will know the room is there

let alone be invited in

yet it needs to exist, a newer sort of safe space

for the unrevealed, protected self

that will be intact, insulated, cherished


Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Wrapping

slowly disappearing

apply the mask

the layers, the protective coloring

more and more and more

stop the wanting, the wishing, the dreaming

oh, stop the wanting

it can never be

cover it up

shut it down

shut the mouth

shutter the brain

wall up the heart with plaster and bones

it is never different

except this time, silence will

be the response

no self talk to talk in or out

quiet

and why

to not be alone

can't have what is wanted

unless self is hidden

desire is damped

want and reality can't exist together

ever

nothingness is always safer