His domicile is still a shit hole of
hoarding, memories, other's abandoned possessions
everything, everything freighted with past experiences
mostly negative
grease, dust, depressing film on all I see
the yard and porch and property are even worse
suicidally awful, cluttered and neglected
he strives to convince me to stay, to commit
I turn in a slow circle
looking at the heaps of clothing of all genders
the moldy food overflowing the fridge and freezers
not a book to be seen about anything that requires thinking
the curious blend of heels, jewelry, wigs, suspenders, floral leggings
proudly displayed on his body, cognitive dissonance of gender dysphoria
then he is desperately begging
I am dispassionate, judgmental, uninterested
as I study in the chaos I left so long ago
that has only increased since my departure
why would I?
why?
he is the biggest mess of all, HE is
I'm not willing to straighten that out
let alone clean up the mess of his home and his life
I woke, relieved it was NOT real and
that I am still living in the magic of
me
only
"Look what you made me do" by Taylor Swift
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