Friday, August 31, 2018

Living in my body















Regretting the past

Fearing the future

Rarely in the present

or in my body

my mind always off somewhere

disassociated

obsessively reliving trauma and crisis

role playing future drama and challenges

my poor body got left behind most of the time

becoming a dusty, broken down wreck

with poor care and minimal habitation

****

Amazed at each finger, how it curls and extends

the movement and sway of hips in snug-fitting jeans

aware of every inch of skin, every touch, every freckle

every change in temperature

sudden shocks of pain in long-abused feet

slow simmering arousal, lower abdomen pulsing with life

my life

the rotation of the wrist, a miracle of divine engineering

hair a super heroine cape around the head and shoulders

random bruising on arms and legs a study in memory and activity

***

The joy of being in the present moment actually

being present, mentally present and fully plugged in

inhabiting this incredibly tolerant machine of a body

it responds astonishingly well to good nourishment, exercise,

mental gymnastics, physical gymnastics (*wink*)

just plain every day use, being used, being inhabited

being loved

by me

and

with a higher power roommate in my head

these are some pretty cool digs to be living in

at long last

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Time after time, part two





















The vultures are circling again

the last few days

the exes, that is

what is it with these men from my distant past contacting me,

hoping for a reboot?

I STILL haven't forgotten what fucktards y'all are and were

Perhaps things are different with each of you now

But on the strength of a few messages exchanged

I can tell that you all think I am still that naive young woman

who put up with your collective dysfunctional bullshit

who had no boundaries

who chose to date you for the amount of booze you drank

     (usually, you were a choice because you drank more than me)

who thought that abuse and narcissistic personalities were 'normal'

     (thanks, parental and grandparental units, for this)

Guess what?

I ain't dead and I ain't dumb

I am sober and recovering

I am no longer that young woman

I will no longer put up with your shit

I am using the block button liberally

Fuck off. LOL.

"Roar" by Katy Perry

"Time after time, part one"