Friday, November 17, 2017

Parenting

My folks didn't always get it right
but there were a lot of things they did
do very well

when I was in critical need
they always stepped up
whether that was paying my bills for
a  couple months at the end of my undergrad years
so that I could focus on school instead of work

or moving me, several times, thousands of miles
when my job or relationship prospects dramatically changed

I try to do the same for my daughter, without enabling
her own manipulative behavior and needs

She's about to graduate
I want her to be a success and become truly self-supporting
so I co-sign a loan for her to have start-up funds to
get a place to live and pay bills while she waits for
that all-important first paycheck to arrive

and I will also help her move and get settled into
her first post-college home with her husband

I consider all that a good investment in my precious child
as she crosses the threshold into true adulthood

Meanwhile, her other parent is busy being as selfish and
myopic as s/he has always been

Disinheriting her youngest because she is mad at her dad
for making her adolescence crazy with her transgendered bullshit,
s/he is refusing to help the kid make this 'good' start out of college
and is still pursuing her transitioning to the exclusion of all else

S/he would rather pay tens of thousands of dollars for electrolysis
and assorted surgeries and hormones and other medications
and then complain about the Kid's alleged rudeness to her

(those are called 'boundaries', fucker)

(and all you need to do to make it right is make AMENDS to her)

and then active punitively towards this resilient young woman

well, well,...just like HER own father

than attempt to be a loving, functional parent
to the ONE child she has who is making something of herself
despite her parents' respective problems
especially as compared to the other two, who are still
lying addicted using obnoxious individuals well into their forties

I have taken the good my parents did and striven to change the bad
and I think my kid has turned out pretty well
despite me
despite her self-absorbed father

Parenting requires both boundaries and personal sacrifice
even sacrifice of one's own needs and dreams

you only get one chance to participate in those growing up years
if you blow it, there is no do-over
what could be more important than raising one's child??

I have done the best I could.
I know I am doing the right thing
by my daughter
right now

But I do not think the other party has even tried
but I guess s/he could only transmit/use
the dysfunctional tools s/he was given
rather than accepting the challenge and the privilege
of striving to be a better parent than
the ones s/he was given

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