The Inner Kids slush back and forth
between excitement and terror.
What if our dreams are finally coming true?
I am infected with their uncertainty
and fear, doubts creeping around the edges
of consciousness and night dreams.
The current reality has been fine until now
it didn't really seem real, you see.
But it is suddenly getting 'real'
and about to get more real, I suspect.
See, before, I agreed to stuff and plans,
resignedly thinking to myself that
all this high falutin' dreaming and talking
would never actually happen.
Because, you see, 'it' never happens for me.
Something always occurs to screw it up
or make it go 'away.'
I know what I want.
I am hyper aware of what my dreams are.
I am very susceptible to someone offering me
the fulfillment of my hopes.
But for it to actually happen.
What will I say? What will he say?
or will it all go away, like it always does?
What if 'always' has stopped happening for me?
And forever is now here?
(Finally. At long last. Please God.)