Connection

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Emotions
   memories
      current events

Uncertainty about

what is wanted
what is offered

My own quiscient brokenness
   advancing and receding
      as each day excitingly unfolds with you

   though I don't usually talk about that ancient brokenness

I don't know what I want
I fear the love you offer
It scares me because it might be real

I dread the possibility that this might all be
     a con a lie a manipulation
          an eventual abandonment

Our tie is strong when it is connected
   like a safety net of caring that is
      unbreakable and completely reliable

But when the link drops and
   I despair in the emptiness and
     quickly close myself up

        staticky psychic silence and old hurts
            enfolding me

It's difficult to reemerge
     from that protective chrysalis

Painfully difficult even when you gently
   offer and attempt to establish
      that intimacy again
        verbally

even after your 'batshit' crazy day
   even after your medical 'thing'

What is real?

I don't know.

But I too often fear
     to find out

But then

You touch me.

Reassuringly full body hug,
        ...though surprisingly not sexual...

hold my hands
   gently kiss me
      gaze into my eyes with
         your fathomless blue ones
            speak your feelings
               and hopes

And I am comforted
   soothed
      loved
         the bond between us
            surges so strongly that I am surprised and delighted

and I wonder why
   I ever doubted.