Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Belligerent

Tilting constantly against the
perceived injustices in the world
family church work society.
Determinedly resisting the mainstream
the ordinary, the acceptable
the sheep-ish, the drone clone robot.
You can't tell me what to do.
Go ahead. Try.
I will not be badgered, bullied,
manipulated, or persuaded
to be or do something I am NOT.
Stubborn, assertively bordering on
aggressive, doggedly peaceful
except when provoked to anger
and then the belligerence comes out,
in waves of red and white and rage
old anger, from years of being forced
against my will to accept the unacceptable
as normal.
No. I will not. But I will not
fight. My attitude is shifting
and has been for many years
from
obstinately awful to
peaceful determination.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Shattered

Image credit













A jaundiced eye, shuttered body
sarcastic mouth, guarded heart,
darkened mind, limited action,
reserved responses, numbly existing.
There's something profoundly broken.
Howlingly damaged.
Will it ever be fixed or is it even fixable?
Trust and love seem like foreign countries
where I am deaf and blind and senseless,
the dark robes of betrayal strangling
my heart, wetly pulling.
I don't know how to knit or
glue 'it' back together.
What is it, heart, soul, psyche,
emotional stability?
What is 'it'?
I don't know.
I just know it is smashed
seemingly irreparably.
I will never be the same and grieve
the fragmentation of the
last strands of my innocence and hope,
yes, I had a few of those left at
forty nine.
The wind persistently removes those
last small crumbs of dusty sadness,
leaving a clean swept vista of
barren creativity, yet hoping
for moisture and nurturing.
Some days I fly,
others I crawl,
yet others, burrowing, hiding.
(Posted for Open Link Monday, 1-7-14)

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Dangerous and noble things




No longer standing on the edge
toes barely in the water
touching the imaginary line of
the taboo
quivering with others' anxieties.
Leaping, jumping, flying
the future is so full of possibilities
things, peoples, places, lifestyles
that intensely interest me
activities others disapprove of
because they fear what
they do not know or
understand or
that which might change them,
especially for the better.
Exploring the darker parts of
my psyche and interests as
well as the brightly lit hallways
of the Catholic forbidden
thrills me, sparkles my eyes,
grows up the inner child who
has quaked too long in the
dismayed shadows of childhood
expectations and threats and
terminally withheld approval.
Insatiable curiosity will mark
my coming years, if I am granted them.
It's okay and desirable to be
sexy, beautiful, and above all
intelligent
and
to state
what I want and
get it.
Willing to soar, risking Icarusian results.
But I won't fail. I have decided I won't.
How can one have really lived if
one has not faced death?
I have this last year and I now know
there is nothing to lose
by trying.