Friday, June 29, 2012

Letters to God

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You led me
slowly
to this place in
my life.
I am grateful
that You were patient,
gentle with me.
Showing me the way,
You waited for me to
make the decisions
that needed to be made
by me,
though I begged
You to make them
for me.
Knowing what I needed
better than I did,
You loved me
through it all to
today.
Oh, it has hurt but
I love You
trust You
follow You
because You alone have
never betrayed me
as so many of Your
other children have.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Why must I wake up?

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In a dream of
the funeral of my marriage
the church was packed with
people who didn't seem too
sad though they all showed up
afterwards to the reception
to eat and talk.
An old friend was a sort of
emcee there, showing me racks
of junk food and books of
craft projects.
All the while, she busily
painted huge mural
backdrops onto canvas stretched
over the floor, then hanging them
up with complete delight in her
own efforts.
At the end, she gave me a kindle
book of house listings that was
tuned to an Etsy store made up
of possibilities, my finger flipping
the pages, dreaming.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Inner child dreams

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The baby was in my dreams
again last night.
She was healthy, pink, chubby,
over-dressed in winter snowsuit
in the middle of summer's heat.
What a blessing to see her thriving
and not failing as she was when I
first dreamed of her in my arms....
This time, she was hot fussy overwhelmed
I peeled off the suffocating
layers and spoke to her in soothing
lullaby tones. As her sweaty stressed
body cooled, she fixed her eyes
steadily on mine, insisting on
my unwavering attention,
letting me know with
her clear green gaze that I
must take care of us
now
not later
not allow us to be smothered and
minimized and ignored.
I picked her up, dressed only
in a tee shirt and diaper
and held her close, smoothing the
heat from her skin.
She laid her head on my shoulder,
trusting.

Messengers

http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rlz=1C1CHKZ_enUS440US440&biw=1600&bih=775&tbm=isch&tbnid=KhHYumVKIQe35M:&imgrefurl=http://arbroath.blogspot.com/2010/04/carrier-pigeons-to-be-used-during.html&docid=MunVJ7ixH5pB5M&imgurl=http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f98opUNuVXc/S9L8_qKKG6I/AAAAAAAAO_8/moKQJyA6jM0/s400/carrier_pigeon.jpg&w=400&h=300&ei=aivmT726Nsfi2QXVwIjaCQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=374&sig=101858965575365153697&page=1&tbnh=130&tbnw=178&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:23,s:0,i:186&tx=137&ty=43
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Coffee with one
Lunch with another
Phone call to a third
Putting out the word
Slow boat to China
Carrier pigeon with scroll
Smoke signals on the bluff
Telegraph key tapping
Emails whispering
Drums beating out the
message, echoing in the
hills, of my latest
bid for freedom.
Dreams coalescing as
I talk, surf, shop, commiserate
with true friends who have
no doubt about their
sexual identities.
I need a place to live and
a comfy bed to sleep in.
And tea.
And a puppy.
And books, the vessels
of my thoughts,
putting me afloat in the
beautifully clear
stream of single
-mindedness.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Communication

We have none.
I ask you questions
and you totally ignore
me or answer thirty
minutes later and then
you are cranky when I
ignore you because  I am
exasperated by your attitude.
I try to talk to you and you
snore or watch tv.
Awesome attitude for someone
who says they love me!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Fly to the spider













I mourn
but not really
your presence in
my life.
I can't remember
anymore
if we really
got married or
was that just a
spectacle to frame
your lies and
selfishness in
a socially
acceptable venue,
followed quickly
by the spinning of
a sticky web
that damn near
trapped
me.
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