Saturday, July 16, 2011


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Reading the blogs of
newly sober folks and
their experiences keeps my
own program quite 'green.'
I remember the confusion
the withdrawal the continuing
obsession the family fights
the emerging feelings, especially rage,
changing playmates and playgrounds,
first disbelieving prayers, cussing out
God if He was there,
first time reading the Big Book,
red pencil in hand, figuring I could
straighten out these drunks
grammatically if not philosophically,
only to discover I was the one who needed
straightened out as the red pencil
dropped from my fingers and the tears dripped
on the pages of this newly found
biography of my life and drinking.
The saddest night of my life
was my first night of sobriety, pouring
all my booze down the drain and
hauling the empties to the dumpster,
afterwards sitting at my computer
reading about alcoholism, my rage
at the intervention making my eyes
bright red, hoping to find one sentence
or site that would prove I wasn't a drunk
and release me from this purgatory of
not drinking.
The excruciating embarrassment
of my first twelve step meeting, sure
everyone was staring at me in judgment.
They were staring all right, but it was with
compassion and hope as they remembered
early sobriety, knowing they were privileged to
have a front row seat at the commencement of
another's recovery, cheering for my tentative
attendance and watching hopefully for
sparks of willingness, honesty, and even
eventually openness.
Hoping the same for all I read
remembering the happiest day of my life
was after  my fifth step with my sponsor
when my Higher Power revealed
Himself to me for the first time in all
His compassionate and loving glory.
Being sober is an amazing experience
every single 'one day at a time.'
(Posted for Free Write Friday, "Addiction", 7/29/11)


  1. Thank you for pouring out your heart and experiences for my request. I want so badly to help this one I love but I don't even know what to say. This however makes a great start in showing them the power of healing. Hugs


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