Love for my baby daughter
led to the decision to be different,
different than my parents were, to
be a better mother and father than the
ones I was given.
So many moments of my
childhood were full of fear,
anxiety and abandonment.
I wanted more for this tiny
being that God had gifted me with
I think I did well at seeking that difference,
so that all those pivotal moments of childhood,
my daughter strode into with confidence,
leaving me with wistful, joy-filled tears and
healing for the similar, painful
moments of my own history.
Kindergarten, she ran through the classroom door,
arms outstretched with joy while I watched,
scared she would be hurt or disappointed.
She wasn't - she bubbled with new life.
At each new school and middle school
and high school, buildings and playgrounds were
her oyster and I stood at the curb,
weeping with anxiety at our separation as
she shrieked in high-pitched delight
at the sight of potential new friends as
well as old ones.
She never saw my tears, though; she
always looked forward, not back.
So many other moments like these,
she charged into her life whole-heartedly
so unlike the fearful, tentative approval-driven
child I was. Thank God I had the courage
to re-experience my own fear in order that she
could see life as an exciting challenge
rather than a scary, undesirable never-ending night.
(Posted for Thursday Poet's Rally, 6-30-11)