When I excitedly informed you that
I was getting married, I had
hoped for happy words along the lines of
An eye roll, a shrug, and
'if that's what you want'
wasn't a response I had anticipated.
I should have, knowing you.
That hurt. But you've hurt me many times with
your confident assurance of my damnation.
So, when you told us you weren't going to
fight the cancer and were perfectly
willing to die,
how did you expect me to respond?
I respected your decision, I can't
imagine yelling, screaming, or pleading
for you to stay and
fight when you so obviously
didn't want to be here anymore.
Though I miss your laughter, I don't
miss your cutting and thoughtless
responses to the joy-filled
events in my life.
As I watch the rain drenching the
new grass on your grave, your words
come strongly to my mind:
if that's what you want.