Friday, October 30, 2015


Image credit

After snuggling in a chrysalis
wrapped in loss, abandonment, and isolation
she finally gets too big for it.
And so it cracks open
tiny bulges and then bigger ones
a tiny hernia then two then three
size expanding rapidly
as legs and arms and head
poke out.
Delicately climbing out of the shroud and
standing on newly unsteady feet,
she uncoils to her full height, and then
senses a velvety unknown weight
resting between her shoulder blades.
Instinctively, she flexes her back muscles
and feels jewel toned wings slowly unfold,
fully radiant translucently magnificent.
Flexing gently, she marvels at
their emerging brilliance as they dry,
one foot on the chrysalis
discarded and somehow so much tinier
than it was a few minutes ago.
She pins its fluttery papery substance
with a toe, momentarily,
thinking she might need it again,
not understanding yet that
it will never fit her
never be enough
ever again, and so
as her wings billow strongly around her
her brilliant green eyes gaze upon the world
so lately ignored
she prepares to fly.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Trust vs fear

Image credit

I guess I blew it
when I allowed fear
to overtake me
over a small hitch
in communication
and I wouldn't let it go,
wouldn't forgive,
wouldn't love.
How many times will it take
before I learn to trust despite
small unintentional cuts
that certainly aren't the axe blows
of previous relationships?
I fear I really screwed it up
this time
and there may not be
another chance.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Autumn inner child

Image credit

Oh they are happy today
the little and the big
because they were heard
and loved.

They scatter in the park of my mind
skipping and swinging and shouting
chasing late butterflies and bugs
leaping wildly through piles of leaves
deeply inhaling the crisp scent of frost and apples
scribbling sidewalk chalk vistas on
every available speck of concrete...

...instead of weighing me down with
fatigue and worries and fears
paralyzing my life, emotions, and dreams.

The freedom is intoxicating.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The honeymoon is over is it I don't know

Feeling sad
the same old same old
is happening yet again
despite the usual assurances
more creatively and convincingly
presented than in the past

The sudden shift from a priority
to a text-based relationship
is depressing

but not really unanticipated

My expectations must be too high
for the reality of the human male
any human male
no matter how fabulously
he presents himself

but I can't live with anything less

I wish I could

is this really when the work begins

or is it time to move on?

Yep, it's time to move on.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Marking a moment


You're gone.

You did tell me,
right from the beginning
of that last conversation
that lasted several weeks,
you were about to die and
you wanted to make amends
to me
before you did
for the insanity of our teenage years
and that last, soul-destroying betrayal.

I thought you meant that you had a
condition, injury, or disease that was
impacting your quality of life,
possibly terminally.

in the very last contact,
you told me
you were committing suicide.

I thought you were playing the
same old games, the tiresome manipulations
because you were not getting what you wanted

I stopped the contact.

And then a few weeks later...
the obituary

No guilt but a quiet thoughtfulness.
What karmic significance was entangled
in our brief contact, your death, and
the craziness that was last weekend?

The scales are balanced again
though I did not know they were
out of balance.

You did. You told me. I thought.

Written for Poets United Midweek Motif, "Watershed Moments", 9/2/15

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

To dream....

Image credit: Pablo Picasso

It is so delightful to
dream of the future with you
dreams that used to be impossible

but it's not really impossible
the plans we are making.

The impossible already happened
when I met you.

Monday, July 27, 2015



How very interesting to hear from you

after thirty four years of silence

that took me ten of those to get over you

and the gut-punch betrayal you put me through.

Now here you are with amends and

explanations that don't quite jive with my memory

but are appreciated and cherished none-the-less

despite being so belated.

At least you finally recognized that you did harm.

I sincerely believe in karma.

I've been visited by karma many times to

balance the universal scales for the hurts I've inflicted

and the lies I've told and my carelessness with other's hearts.

And it was excruciatingly painful and humiliating

but I came to understand that that was what needed to

happen to be released from my past and to be able to live

fully and joyfully in the present.

But you...

have been bitch slapped, stomped, and run over

with a monster ass steam roller, no less, and

multiple times by the K bitch.

I don't feel glee over those results, but

privileged and humbled to be allowed to know

that karma does indeed happen and

the justice that only the universe can deal out

is served and

not just to me.

But I accept your amends and offer you peace and healing

because it's the right thing to do and

I wish you no further pain or harm.