Sunday, January 14, 2018

As earth is my witness

Buddhist sayings and teachings
so basic and so sensible
soothing and teaching

remembering the private beliefs
the innocent enlightenment of
childhood, so un-Christian yet
making so much sense to my
young mind
especially that of
reincarnation

those thoughts and perceptions
were repressed in the interest of
survival and 'fitting in'

but today, these return to me
I am ready and I am free
to explore and to be
who I am meant

Genuine...lies

Indubitable

bona fide

honest

actual

verifiable

considered

empathetic

factual

considerable

genuine

really?

hahahahahaha....

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Bombast and bullshit

A gillie-wet-foot blunderbuss

of the abydocomist type

endlessly gnashgabbing

Member of the cult of non-virility

bedswerving bespawler

boblyning bobolyne

cumbergrounding dalcop

dew-beater klazomaniac

gobermunching fopdoodle

fustylugian FUSTILARIAN

loiter-sack lubberwort

quisby raggabadash

rakefire saddle-goose

skelpie-limmer snoutband

tallow-catch wandought

all hat and no cattle

gentleman of four outs

rumbumptuous gollumpus

shabbaroon wrinkler

skamelar mandrake mymmerkin

mumblecrust, drate-poke clack-box?

Friday, January 12, 2018

Joy and laughter

I've said it before
and I'll say it again

but the freedom from bullshit
is intoxicating

Everything, I mean everything,
is like a spring day as
snow melts and the crocuses
poke their purple, gold, and white noses
out of the ground, seeking the sun
hope unfurling with their green foliage
the barely damp ground nourishing and uplifting

...you know the feeling of that spring day?
when the frozen cold hell of winter is finally broken
and light becomes more than dark?

so much joy in my head
now that the dark clouds are gone
the oppressive presences blown away
by the winds of divorce and
spiritual housecleaning

the world has a new and sparkling sheen

adoring and loving the vitality
rising in me and
the people I choose
more than I ever have

I can trust again
I can love again
I can dream again

I laugh and laugh
glad the tears are gone
the sadness lifted

every day I am high on me
blissed out on my recovery and
my single status

I need nothing and no one else

ready for the next adventure

which just happens to be...every day of my life


"Call it what you want" by Taylor Swift

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Did we fail her? No.

She's gone

saw her obituary today

from several weeks ago

remembering her sparkling eyes

delighted face

when we did her 5th step together

excited for the beginning of

her new life

but then

after treatment

half measures began

to her detriment

though we knew those half measures

would avail her nothing

still

we reached out, called, texted

encouraged

she walked away

she couldn't do recovery

so

she is gone

but

we

stayed

sober


Dancing in the pool

Walking

floating

musing

light touches and thoughts

pirouettes

singly and together

quiet, light conversation that

quickly becomes intense,

deep, meaningful,

semi-opaque

like

the water beneath us

gliding within

your arms

warm, sulfurish water curling

around our shoulders

swirling, twirling, talking

gazing into your eyes

sure


"I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack

Friday, December 29, 2017

The stuff of legends

Rage was my stock in trade
my default response to life
and one never knew what might
make me blow
during the first forty years of
my life

But...that anger was nothing
compared to the towering fury
that developed after the family
did an intervention on me for
my alcoholism

It's a miracle
(and I am a miracle and so is my sobriety)
that my head didn't
explode during that first year
I was that mad and
everyone knew it and
everyone stayed the fuck away from me

family of origin or recovering family
tiptoed around or flat-out avoided me
after a few encounters with the
newly sober, newly 'feeling' me

fangs and fingernails and feelings hyper-extended
daring anyone to give me a reason (to rage or drink)

***

it is fourteen years later
and I rarely lose my temper now
or even feel that simmering emotional violence

recovery has taught me to control, channel, and release
those emotions in more productive, positive ways
and to not even respond in those old, dangerous ways
in the first place

but both sets of family are still talking
(and now laughing about, though they weren't then)
about the terrifying, menacing (even to me) animosity
of my early days of alcoholic abstinence