Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Dreams of my mother

Wedding preparation
in a combination location
part Irish pub, hockey game, crumbling mansion

couldn't find the veil, the bustier, the stockings
serenely finding solutions and missing items
though slowly

our guests patiently waiting in a
Mardi Gras swirl of preparation

Mom was there

Mom was there

Mom was there
laughing, serving, problem-solving
her joyful face
helping me dress for my big day

She escorted me to the ceremony site
one arm around me and the other hand gently holding my wrist
after twining her rosary through my fingers
no bouquet, just her prayers and good wishes

handing me off to my husband with
her trademark smile, eyes crinkled with merriment

Her face beamed at him, at me, at us
nodding, affirming, consecrating

****

waking this morning with a sense of well-being
having made some sort of peace
with her,
receiving her approval and blessing
in the chaos of a heavily symbolic dream
of one of the best days of my life

I'm sure I will figure all the meanings out
eventually

but she was there!
she was there...
and happy and approving and involved

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Time stood still

Sauntering the aisles
of WalMart
during a speedy noon hour shop

loading the cart
with protein
protein
protein

Greeting acquaintances
and friends and
respectfully nodding to
the scurrying slaves of Sam.

Reaching for a box of
decaf k-cups

I suddenly see

the old friend.

Quickly, I cut my eyes away
so that she doesn't have to
acknowledge me

....but she does...

Ending her phone call rapidly,
a big smile and a hug

so unexpected

and so very welcome.

We talk and talk and talk
adjusting our carts so that
others can pass us
animatedly sharing about
our husbands
our kids
our jobs
our health.

What was only a few minutes
seemed like hours and hours and hours
of glorious intellectual intimacy
with someone who knows me
so very well

time stood still

the sunlight of the spirit
bathing our deprived souls

And we both remember
how good, so good, so fabulous
our friendship was

though I never forgot

As I hug her again
and turn away to
check out
before returning to work

I look back as I walk away

...as she does...

we both have tears in our eyes

looking at each other longingly


oh, how I wish...and miss.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Honestly friends

After mourning the
apparent loss of a
friend of many years
and wondering
often
what I did
'wrong'
I just realized that
it never was about
me and I did not
do anything wrong
unless
being honest
is being wrong
which I was (honest)
which I was not (wrong)

Communication is key
in any relationship
and that person was
not honest
not communicating
about what is really
going on
with her

I've heard some rumors
(which I take with a grain of salt)
(but one grain made me wonder)
that made me realize
that her choices and
her lack of
honesty
are the real reason that
that friendship is gone

Not me


Saturday, February 4, 2017

Mourning...but not for long

All I want
is your attention
your courtship
of me
to resume

I don't know
who this is
I am living
with
anymore

The farther away
you stray
mentally and emotionally
the more restless
and angry
I become

I don't understand
what has happened
or how to fix it

It took a month longer
this time

three to four

I wish that were a good sign

but it's not

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Drinking from a fire hose











done

for now

with social media
   internet news sites

heartily sick of
  newsletters
    petitions
      msn

anything to do with
    the elections and...
        ...the aftermath.

peace
   quiet
      sanity
        are welcome
          ...immediately!
             
rather than this non-stop onslaught
  of negative and inflammatory
    information a.k.a. news
      most of which is relatively
          suspect as to
                ...truth

no more being overwhelmed
  angry
    frustrated
      confused
        defensive

finished with the assault
  by the 'virtual' world
which, while it has been fun
  at times
is no longer a positive
  influence
     in my life

tired

(though there will be more poetry in the future)

Monday, October 3, 2016

Closed












The cocoon
is slowly being spun
again.
Transformation is coming
but hibernation is beckoning.

So attractive,
that closeting of self
after being 'out' for
quite a while now.

Safety and introspection
is critical
at this point.

The hope was that
the chrysalis would never be
necessary, but
life
is ever
evolving

no idea why
that hope existed.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Go back in

It's not safe
can't be real
don't be honest
retreat retreat
mentally
and
stay there.
The faces and the times
change
but the basic fact
remains
that the interior world
is the safest one
and the door to it
best remains
shut
with a solo occupant.
Safer.
Shut it.
Lock it.
Stay inside
quietly
considering.
It may look like a
sealed sterile room
to others
but
it is
a rich secret garden
that has rarely been
shared with others
let alone
inviting them in.
No welcomes or guests passes
shall be issued
here forth.
Lesson learned.
For the last time.
Back in.
Life goes on
but the safe space
is intact
and protected
inside the thorny wall
of self care.